Few people expect they will get a divorce when they’re enjoying the honeymoon phase of a new relationship. You see life through rose-colored glasses until the novelty fades and the resentments start to pile up. It’s easy to lament the past and harp on your ex for all the ways they have changed for the worse since that honeymoon phase when you first started dating. When you have children in the mix, it can be even more tempting to pit your children against your ex-spouse, so you can have a better custody arrangement, or simply as retaliation against your ex. However, such petty antics can hurt your child in the best-case scenario, and lead to devastating consequences at worst.
Children who feel pulled apart by their divorced parents are caught in a no-win situation. They naturally still seek the acceptance and approval of both their parents, so when one parent is badmouthing the other, it takes a toll on the child’s self-esteem. After all, they may feel that when you are putting down your ex, you are putting them down, as well. They are fully aware they have traits both from mom and dad, and as a result, they may start blaming themselves for your relationship going south. Such self-confidence issues can later lead to self-hatred, which can unravel even further to mental illnesses such as depression, anxiety, substance abuse disorders, eating disorders, or self-injurious behaviors.
Tricky though it may be, the best thing you can do to defuse family tension and keep your children content is to try to get along with your ex in a civilized manner. This ultimately benefits the entire family and teaches your children that you can work with another person in spite of personal differences. Many divorced parents benefit from co-parenting counseling so they can put their past resentments and hurt behind them and focus on moving ahead in their new relationship strictly as co-parents rather than lovers.
Need Help with Divorce Litigation? Contact Orshan, Spann & Fernandez-Mesa, Family Law Attorneys.
If you need help with your divorce and the legal intricacies of splitting up from your ex when children are involved, contact us at Orshan, Spann & Fernandez-Mesa for a skilled family law attorney who has your back. We can be reached at (305) 853-9161 or you can contact us online for a quick reply.